A Couple Of Mamalukes From PETA Superglued Their Hands To Counters At Starbucks HQ To Protest...Vegan Milk Costing A Little More!
Another day, another video of animal rights activists supergluing themselves to shit to get their point across. I don't expect anybody to watch an entire 103 minute video of two fools supergluing their hands to a Starbucks counter and would actually be upset if you spent more than 103 seconds watching that video while giving these lunatics the attention they crave. But I thought everyone should have an idea what happened in case this story comes up in the cubes today as you drink your Venti iced coffee that was slightly cheaper than what they drink because you prefer your milk straight from a cow's titty.
Now my biggest issue with all this isn't that these people were mostly bothering a couple of Baristas just trying to earn a living grinding beans at the Starbucks HQ coffee shop or that it's protesting a 70 cent surcharge for something that costs more money for a product everyone can make at home, even though those are both valid criticisms to this video. My issue was with the response to the protest.
Are you trying to tell me that everything in Seattle is going well enough for 6+ police officers to be called to the scene to unglue someone's hand from a counter? I don't think so (Said in Kevin McAllister grocery store voice). Let those guys do their job serving and protecting the city instead of Googling where to find acetone.
As for how to solve this problem, I offer a very simple solution. If you superglue yourself to a counter, you should have to live with the consequences of it for at least 48 hours. Namely being forced to stand or at the very least sit as your arm is awkwardly stuck above your head with no access to the bathroom or food that isn't being sold by your arch nemesis. Same goes for the kook that tried to superglue their hand to the floor at the Timberwolves game.
You do that, you should have to sit on your ass in the paint for all 48 minutes while Karl-Anthony Towns and Marcus Morris do battle in the post. You wanna spread a message, there's no better way than doing that as giants tangle above you during a do-or-die play-in game.
That being said, I kinda love that superglue has become the new weapon of choice for these animal rights activists considering glue has historically been made out of bits of all sorts of animals much like Frank The Tank's favorite food.
If there is vegan glue, it's probably weaker than the Elmer's shit we used spread on our hands as kids to make it look like we were peeling skin off our bodies. Nonetheless, thank you to PETA for once again doing silly ass shit and making this blog possible.
P.S. Never forget about the time Big Cat got covered in fake blood by some animal rights maniac during the hot dog eating contest. True Barstool serendipity if I've ever seen it.